Eat Pray Love

Warning! Don't watch this film if you're in an emotional crisis! Danger of driving you to slash your wrists right after the credits roll!

Before I continue, I'd like to say I haven't read the book, so won't judge that or the experience its author went through. This review only focuses on the horrific filmmaking I've witnessed while watching this – well – joke of a film.

So what's wrong with Eat Pray Love? Rather, I have to ask what is NOT wrong with it. From the first frame to the last, I couldn't believe someone was really serious with releasing this piece of crap and be happy with their jobs. Screenplay, directing and editing suck so bad that even the fitting cinematography – Robertson really didn't have a choice here but follow the cheesy template of the entire film – can't save the day.

Roberts, Franco, Bardem.. guys.. I feel so sorry for you now to have agreed with participating on this charade. You must be devastated. Great actors such as you are, the director makes you look silly in every frame, turning your acting gifts into a charade one can hardly not laugh at.

The agony I felt when watching your characters weep constantly – I wonder if you haven't used up your lifetime share of tears by doing this film – was only replaced by pain during clichéd conversations and "deep revelations" by Liz.

The film has no heartbeat. Watching it wrestle its way to the end is like watching Roberts tortured by medieval instruments creating a mosaic of her best understanding, knowing, disturbed, moved, painful performances which actually remind a slide show from her audition tape rather than a concise piece of art.

The film has too much of everything. Won't give you one breather to actually absorb some of what the author of the book had gone through, rather, keeps hitting you constantly with cheesy, disorganized images of characters impossible to relate to in places that look as if they were cut out of a travel magazine.

Everybody's too nice, everything is too smooth, monotone, and disturbing, resembling the annoying sound signaling that a heart stopped beating.

Really, Murphy would do everyone a great favor to stay with TV Series of no real artistic value such as "Glee" and the others and stop wasting our time, the actors' and actresses' talent, and money that could have been invested in some other film that, because of Murphy, will now never be made and will end up "in the round drawer" aka the producer's garbage can.

Well done, Ryan, you're finally famous now. You've made it to film textbooks as a great example of how NOT to make a film.